Joy Is My Rebellion

Lately, I've been thinking about joy. And rebellion. And why, apparently, I decided these two things belong together.

Recently, a dear friend told me—approvingly—that she'd noticed I had "doubled down on the rest of my life."

And boy, did that hit me.

Because she's right.

I'd just been through a significant disappointment. Something I really wanted didn't work out the way I'd hoped.

And it hurt.

But somewhere in the middle of being disappointed and angry and thinking about it WAY too much, I decided to put more energy into everything else.

Small Town Alchemy. Writing stories. Making stickers. Going places. My town. My family. My animals. My people. Planning adventures. Fangirling over things that probably do not require quite the level of enthusiasm I bring to them.

You know.

More life.

This isn’t the first time I have used this particular strategy.

Years ago, some important family relationships in my life changed in ways I never expected. It was a real loss, and it changed what I thought my life—and my family—were going to look like.

I couldn't fix it.

And eventually I figured out that maybe I didn't have to.

I couldn't make the loss smaller.

But I could make the rest of my life bigger.

So I did.

More people. More traditions. More experiences. More things to look forward to. More connection. More adventures. More reasons to say yes.

More joy.

And I don't mean that in an EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL! kind of way.

Because sometimes everything is decidedly not wonderful.

Sometimes things are crappy.

Sometimes they hurt.

I just don't want the crappy thing to get the whole damn thing.

So I add.

Sometimes what I add is meaningful and important.

And sometimes I decide that our perfectly normal family camping trip needs a T-shirt auction.

Sixteen people.

T-shirts.

Actual bidding.

Camping cash.

Did anybody need this?

Absolutely not.

Was it ridiculously fun?

Absolutely.

And honestly, I think that stupid T-shirt auction might explain my whole philosophy as well as anything.

Because I don't only want to make life bigger when something bad happens.

I want to make an ordinary Saturday bigger, too.

Give me a regular day and apparently I'm going to see if we can add something to it.

A party. A story. A road trip. A ridiculous tradition. A sticker.

Something.

Life will hand us plenty of things that can make our worlds smaller.

So I add.

I double down on the rest of my life.

And I think that's what I meant all along.

Joy is my rebellion.